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Luxury phone brand doesn’t know why the f*** it hadn’t thought of Middle East before

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Luxury phone brand doesn’t know why the f*** it hadn’t thought of Middle East before

High-end handset maker unveils “hardly groundbreaking” plans for first Dubai outlet

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DUBAI: Italian luxury phone maker Vulgaris this morning announced that it was planning to launch its first Middle East outlet in Dubai, revealing that it “couldn’t understand how the f*** it was only doing so now”.

The high-end Milan-based manufacturer, renowned for its exorbitantly priced handsets adorned in gems and precious metals, unveiled plans for a flagship store in the emirate, claiming that it was a decision “that someone really should have made years ago, I mean, we’ve really f***ing missed the boat here, haven’t we?”

“We’re absolutely delighted to finally be bringing our range of bespoke, handcrafted Smartphones to the Middle East,” said Vulgaris CEO Markus De Lambrini at a press conference. “Our luxury models, fashioned from the most exclusive materials available, have long been beloved by the world’s elegant elite and we’re sure they’ll find a welcome home here in the Gulf, where obviously nobody has been buying this sort of sh*t for years already, have they? I mean, it’d be ok if this was f***ing 2006 or something.”

But Vulgaris, a favourite among A-listers and the hip-hop community, doesn’t intend to stop at just one store, with aims to expand across Dubai, Abu Dhabi and even Qatar. “In case you haven’t heard, they’ve got quite a bit of money over in Qatar” added De Lambrini. “For f***’s sake.”



  1. Aisha Tabouleh

    August 12, 2013 at 10:04 am


  2. Rasha Fattoush

    August 12, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Me too. I shall buy all your phones everyday like I buy candy!

  3. harry hummus

    August 12, 2013 at 12:03 pm


  4. Spoilus Conceitedus

    August 12, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    Oh no!!!
    i was definately going to use my weekly allowance to pre-order a pair of Vulgaris phones to be the first in Emairates to have them.
    but if the Qataris are getting them, i’ll pass.

  5. i'm alive, i'm dead, i'm the stranger....

    August 14, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    i will only purchase one of your phones if i get a pair of italian white patent leather loafers with it.

  6. Freddy

    August 16, 2013 at 9:45 am

    F****** Hilarious!

  7. Merlin

    April 18, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I have pre-ordered the Gulf Motorists combo:
    Vulgaris / Triple telefono sinistra destra parabrezza
    translates – 3 phone / left hand / right hand / windscreen.
    Will been looking dem kool in my Pugatti, no, yes!

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